July 24, 2020

The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster | Brad Feld on The Tim Ferriss Podcast

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Check out The Tim Ferriss Show Episode Page & Show Notes

Key Takeaways

In his 30s, Brad Feld worked so much that his wife nearly left him. He had two realizations consequently:
- His words weren’t matching his actions (he told his wife she was the most important person in her life yet he was taking work calls when the two of them were hanging out)
- He needed to spend more time with his wife so they started taking a one-week off-the-grid vacation every quarter
Brad learned the following lessons from his mentor Len Fassler: “They can’t kill you and they can’t eat you”
- “That moment of I’m at the absolute bottom of this, but I’ve still got shit to do and him just sort of saying, ‘Just suit up, let’s go,’ was a powerful moment for me.” – Brad Feld
Two important questions Tim learned from Jerry:
- “How are you complicit in creating the conditions you say you don’t want?”
- “What is being said that you are not hearing, or that is not being heard?”
Remember that there’s a difference between hiring a therapist and a coach:
- A therapist helps you to understand what’s going on in your life and how your current behavior plays a role in it
- A coach helps you to get better at your craft
When Brad and his wife fight, they have 3 rules:
- No physical violence
- Don’t shut down while it’s happening
- When the argument is over, both of them apologize
It’s okay to be bored in life, you don’t have to fill every single second with some activity:
- “And it is really helpful to sometimes just sort of look out the window or sit in your backyard and feel like, ‘I actually don’t have anything I have to be doing right now other than be right here.” – Brad Feld

Intro

Brad Feld (@bfeld) is the author of two new books: The Startup Community Way and the second edition of Startup Communities. He has been an early-stage investor and entrepreneur since 1987.
Host: Tim Ferriss (@tferriss)

Books Mentioned

A few of Brad’s favorite books:
- Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig
  - Brad recommends this book to all entrepreneurs
- Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson
- Neuromancer by William Gibson“
  - Neal Stephenson and William Gibson are two of my favorite and two of the best contemporary science fiction writers.” – Brad Feld
- Brad also recommends reading:
- The Hyperion Cantos by Dan Simmons
- How Long ’til Black Future Month?: Stories by N. K. Jemisin
- Veil by Eliot Peper
- Kill Chain Series by William Hertling
- Change Agent by Daniel Suarez
- The End of October: A Novel by Lawrence Wright
  - “It is so good and so terrifying and so real on so many levels in terms of what we’ve dealt with and how we’re dealing with it.” – Brad Feld
- Books Tims recommends:
  - Dune by Frank Herbert
  - Stories of Your Life and Others by Ted Chiang
  - Exhalation: Stories by Ted Chiang
  - The Paper Menagerie and Other Stories by Ken Liu
- When Brad read Complexity: The Emerging Science at the Edge of Order and Chaos by M. Mitchell Waldrop in 1990, he was blown away by it

Marriage First, Then Work

In his 30s, Brad worked so much that his wife nearly left him. He had two realizations consequently:
- His words weren’t matching his actions (he told his wife she was the most important person in her life yet he was taking work calls when the two of them were hanging out)
- He needed to spend more time with his wife so they started taking a one-week off-the-grid vacation every quarter
Every Friday evening, Brad will turn on an email responder that tells people to email him during the week because he doesn’t read any emails he gets over the weekend

Keep On Fighting

Brad learned the following lessons from his mentor Len Fassler: “They can’t kill you and they can’t eat you”
- When Brad’s company was falling apart due to the burst of the internet bubble, he thought about just giving up but when he was near rock bottom, Len came to him and said: “Brad, they can’t kill you and they can’t eat you. Suit up.”
  - “That moment of I’m at the absolute bottom of this, but I’ve still got shit to do and him just sort of saying, ‘Just suit up, let’s go,’ was a powerful moment for me.” – Brad Feld
    - Always remember that in the business world, no one can kill you or eat you (at least not literally)

Dealing With Depression

Since his 20s, Brad has struggled with anxiety and depression
3 major events that sent Brad into a deep depression:
- His first marriage blew up
- He got kicked out of MIT’s Ph.D. program
- He got incredibly bored with his business
  - Fortunately, Brad started to go to therapy and was diagnosed with OCD and was treated with CBT and medication
Brad’s friend, Jerry Colonn, helped Brad cope with his depressive episodes by telling him to stop holding back and start talking about his medication and therapy and to not be ashamed of it
- “I’m going to let go of this shame in an active way. If that’s helpful to the people I work with and the people that I support, that’s a good thing.” – Brad Feld
  - It’s important to recognize that all of us are flawed in some way
Jerry Colonn is the author of Reboot: Leadership and the Art of Growing Up
Two important questions Tim learned from Jerry:
- “How are you complicit in creating the conditions you say you don’t want?”
- “What is being said that you are not hearing, or that is not being heard?”
  - “We’re in complete denial of how we’re creating those conditions that create our unhappiness. Create our happiness, that’s good, but create our unhappiness, create our limitations, create our, put whatever box around, and put a negative sign in front of it.” – Brad Feld

Going To Therapy

If you’re looking for a therapist, you don’t need to work with the first one that gets referred to you
- You can always ask your doctor or a general practitioner if they know any good therapists
  - “What you’re really doing is you’re shopping. And you’re asking even the people you’re talking to, who they think you should talk to.” – Brad Feld
Remember that there’s a difference between hiring a therapist and a coach:
- A therapist helps you to understand what’s going on in your life and how your current behavior plays a role in it
- A coach helps you to get better at your craft
If you’re interested in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Tim recommends the book The Philosophy of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy by Donald Robertson

Relationship Advice

Brad and his wife go out to dinner on the first day of every month, they’ve been doing this for about 20 years now
When Brad and his wife fight, they have 3 rules:
- No physical violence
- Don’t shut down while it’s happening
- When the argument is over, both of them apologize

Additional Notes

Because of Brad’s OCD, he is obsessed with the number 3
- He has to turn the shower on and off 3 times before getting in and 3 times when he’s getting out
It’s okay to be bored in life, you don’t have to fill every single second with some activity:
- “And it is really helpful to sometimes just sort of look out the window or sit in your backyard and feel like, ‘I actually don’t have anything I have to be doing right now other than be right here.” – Brad Feld
Why did Brad move to Boulder, CO?
- His wife wanted to be next to the mountains and Brad doesn’t like cities
What would Brad put on a billboard?
- “Breathe”
- “Don’t believe your own bullshit”
- “They can’t kill you and they can’t eat you”

book recommendations, entrepreneur, marriage, relationships
Notes By Alex Wiec