taylor burrowes

7 Detrimental Beliefs, Falling Out of Love, and the Ideal Love Life – Dr. Taylor Burrowes on The Pat Campbell Show

Listen to the episode here

Key Takeaways

  • Logic + Desire + Love = The Ideal Relationship
    • “A lot of people will try to compensate for a lack of compatibility (logic) by partnering with someone they desire, but it doesn’t work” – Taylor Burrowes
  • Married partners must align on political, religious, and nutrition views
  • Detrimental beliefs for women:
    • A good man will put you on a pedestal and support you no matter how you act or what you say
    • Wanting to settle down and start a family early is for failed women who don’t have anything else of significance going for them
    • It’s okay to act entitled

Intro

  • Dr. Taylor Burrowes (@taylorburrowes) is a marriage and family therapist
    • Check out her website where she offers relationship counseling
  • Host: Pat Campbell (@PC1170)

The 7 DETRIMENTAL Beliefs for Women That Lead to a Life of Regret

  1. Men and women are fluid and interchangeable (i.e., they’re equally important and valuable)
  2. Being a woman of value means you should 1) compete with men and 2) try to be as successful as possible in your career
  3. Being sexually healthy means being outraged whenever you’re objectified by a man you don’t like, but okay with objectifying yourself
    • Expanded: “If other people are objectifying you, there’s a zero-tolerance policy, but you can do whatever you want to objectify yourself” – Taylor Burrowes
  4. A good man will put you on a pedestal and support you no matter how you act or what you say
    • Taylor expands: By putting someone on a pedestal, it’s as if you’re worshiping them
      • “No one’s perfect. There’s no reason to raise someone up like their a deity of some sort that you’re blessed to be with” – Taylor Burrowes
  5. Wanting to settle down and start a family early is for failed women who don’t have anything else of significance going for them
    • FACT: Staying home to care for a family is NOT a lazy or easy task; NEVER look down on women who choose this path
  6. The type of women men are most aroused by is the seductress archetype, and the type of women they prefer to settle down with is the nurturer archetype
    • Taylor clarifies: “The ideal woman is both, but only for him will she be the seductress”
  7. It’s okay to act entitled
    • NOPE! You earn it by the standards you internalize and live by

Dissecting Unconditional Love

  • “People think you want unconditional love, but you don’t—it leads to complacency in relationships. It goes both ways—you want someone to be able to separate a dissatisfaction with your behavior from loving you as a person.” – Taylor Burrowes
  • “The only people that qualify for unconditional love, in my opinion, would be children and/or pets. Other than that, I don’t know that there’s anyone you give unconditional love to.” – Pat Campbell

The Fine Line Between Admiration and Worship

  • When someone worships their partner, it’s as if they’re selfless to the point of neglection
    • To figure out where you stand, ask yourself: “Am I neglecting myself in favor of taking care of my partner?”
    • Taylor adds: “A woman needs to be able to do what she needs to do to be healthy. Otherwise, she’s pouring from an empty vessel.”

How do you fall out of love with someone?

  • Let’s specify: “falling out of love” refers to the infatuation aspect—the sparks and butterflies
  • Losing the infatuation is natural—it’s the result of natural, biochemical processes 
    • That said, spending time apart from your partner can help
  • Many people fall out of love and then blame their partner, saying it’s because of x, y, or z
    • In reality, what happens most often when love dissipates is that one partner fails to get their needs met within the relationship, and seeks to have them met elsewhere 

How important is it for married couples to align politically and religiously?

  • “It’s essential. Those things make up your value system … They have to align. 100%, it’s important for compatibility.” – Taylor Burrowes
  • Now more than ever, couples should also align on nutrition
    • If one partner hates the idea of consuming meat and argues children shouldn’t consume it either, and the other partner thinks the opposite, this opens the door for way too many arguments

The Formula for an Ideal Love Life

  • Logic + Desire + Love = The Idea relationship
    • “A lot of people will try to compensate for a lack of compatibility (logic) by partnering with someone they desire, but it doesn’t work” Taylor Burrowes

Additional Quotes to Ponder

  • “To be in love with someone in a way that lasts is more about the action and commitment, which is a consistent choice” – Taylor Burrows
  • “Everyone needs a purpose in life … Without a purpose, there’s no reason to exist.” – Pat Campbell
  • “I’ve come across so many women in their 40s and 50s who don’t have children and have this abrasive, resentful, and harsh shell around them; they don’t understand why they’re not happy” – Taylor Burrowes
  • “More people feel entitled today than ever before” – Pat Campbell
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Notes By MMiller

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