Collected Lessons: Sex & Relationships

With Valentine’s Day looming, it’s time we updated one from the archives. Whether you’re single, married, or dating the love of your life, the podcast world has something to offer you when it comes to relationship advice. These are our collected lessons.

First, in Podcast Notes fashion, the Key Takeaways:

  • The best romantic relationships are ones in which the couple is able to quickly recover from fights
  • Sex toys are like a spice for cooking—they enhance things
  • Love + Desire + Logic = An Ideal Partner
  • Women are attracted to men who lead other men, have lots of male friends, and are doing things to make a mark on the world. They like a man who’s continually developing himself and always striving to improve.
  • All sex is group sex
    • If you think you’re in bed alone with your partner, you’re not; you’re joined by both of your trauma and attachment histories
  • For most men, it’s desire first → then arousal; for most women, it’s arousal → desire
  • Pleasure is the measure of sexual well-being
    • It’s not about how many orgasms you have, how many positions you cycle through, or how many partners you have; it’s whether or not you LIKE the sex you’re having
  • The two characteristics of couples who sustain a strong sexual connection over multiple decades:
    • (Not wild and adventurous sex, nor frequent sex)
    • 1) The couple maintains a strong friendship based on trust
    • 2) The couple prioritizes sex and believes it to be important for the quality of the relationship
  • “The question in distressed relationships is always the same all over the world at every age: ‘Where are you? Do you care about me? Do I matter to you? Will you respond to me? Will you be there when I’m vulnerable? Am I safe with you?’” – Dr. Sue Johson
    • “When the answer is ‘I’m here,’ you can deal with almost anything”
  • “Behind every criticism is often a wish. Arguing in a relationship often has little to do with the content of the argument itself.” Esther Perel
  • An important conversation skill: The ability to “listen for” the feelings beneath what your conversation partner is saying
    • So, if your partner is yelling at you, “listen for” how they feel—see past the yelling and respond to the feeling, not the yelling
  • Regularly schedule times with your partner to discuss the state of your relationship and to bring up points of friction
  • The language you use with your partner is of the utmost importance
    • For example: Instead of saying, “You did X to make me feel Y,” say, “The story that I’m creating in my head is that you did X because…”

Let’s start with the good stuff: sex. In her appearance on “The Truth Barrel” podcast, Emily Morse (@SexWithEmily), host of the Sex with Emily, gave us some great tips. Here’s what we learned:

With Valentine’s Day looming, it’s time we updated one from the archives. Whether you’re single, married, or dating the love of your life, the podcast world has something to offer you when it comes to relationship advice. These are our collected lessons. Key Takeaways

  • The best romantic relationships are ones in which the couple is able to quickly recover from fights
  • Sex toys are like a spice for cooking—they enhance things

Table of Contents

  • Sex Tips from Emily Morse & Alice Little
  • Relationship Advice from Esther Perel
    • Tips for Relationship Longevity
    • How can you better reduce and diffuse arguments in a relationship?
    • How can you better reduce and diffuse arguments in a relationship?
    • How to Get Over a Breakup or Divorce
    • How do you know when a relationship is near its end?
  • Advice from Dr. Taylor Burrowes
    • The Formula for an ideal Relationship
    • Women, Think About What You’re Bringing to the Table
    • Ponder This
    • Traveling with Your Partner is the Key to Getting to Know them on a Deep Level
    • What attracts a woman to a man?
    • The Most Crucial Determinant of a Relationship’s Success
    • How to Find Your Ideal Partner
    • Let’s Talk About Sex
    • Your Relationship Might Be Doomed If…
    • One Last Point
  • Advice from Dr. Suzanne Iasenze
    • All Sex is Group Sex
    • Your Love Isn’t Obvious
    • There’s Disappointment in EVERY Relationship
    • In a Fight, Never…
    • The Secrets of Desire
  • Lessons from Dr. Emily Nagoski
    • The 6 Factors That Increase Sexual Pleasure
    • If you’re thinking about opening up your relationship, know that…
    • Let’s Talk About Porn
    • Pleasure is the Measure of Sexual Well-Being
    • The Two Characteristics of Couples Who Sustain a Strong Sexual Connection Over Multiple Decades
    • Why do affairs happen?
  • Lessons from Dr. Sue Johnson
    • Deepen the Connection with Emotional Presence
    • Emotional Responsiveness is Crucial to a Relationship’s Success
    • Relationships Are Living Organisms
    • The Role of Sex in a Healthy Marriage
    • Why does sex tend to stop in relationships?
    • Why do affairs happen?
    • The Warning Signs of a Failing Relationship (once you detach, you don’t go back)
    • Don’t Keep Secrets
    • The Importance of Touch
  • Advice from Shelia Heen
    • Relationships Are FILLED with Difficult Conversations; Any Advice?
    • Relationship Lessons from “The Science of Trust” Author, John Gottman
  • Time for The 4-Hour Relationship?
    • Polarity is Necessary for Sexual Attraction
    • Scheduled Relationship Check-Ins Help Deal with Conflict
    • The Language You Use with Your Partner is of the Utmost Importance
    • Should you and your partner sign a prenup?
    • If you decide to proceed with a prenup…
  • Advice from Aubrey Marcus
    • Open Relationships Are HARD
  • More Recommended Reading

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