April 14, 2021
Kids and Mental Health with Amy Morin on the James Altucher show with Robyn and James Altucher
Check out Episode Page and Show Notes
Key Takeaways
- Parents don’t recognize depression in their kids because they expect depression to look like it does for adults – sad, lethargic
- If a child feels depressed, they should reach out to a trusted adult – it doesn’t have to be a parent
- If your child asks to talk to a therapist, don’t hesitate to let them go
- Opening up to a non-parent is healthy because the child doesn’t feel like they are being judged
- Coping strategies are best learned before a child is depressed – it puts tools in their mental toolbox
- Kids need to learn when to say no to their friends – they don’t realize the power of no
- Resentful kids grow up to be adults who act the same way
- Teach kids to be gracious – It will serve them well in adulthood
Intro
Amy Morin (t:@AmyMorinLCSW) is a psychotherapist, mental strength trainer, an international bestselling author and co-author of 13Things Strong Kids Do
How Do Kids Know When they Should Find Someone to Talk To?
- It’s difficult because when they’re experiencing depression for the first time they often don’t recognize it
- Parents don’t recognize depression in their kids either – they expect depression to look like it does for adults
- Adults who are depressed look sad and don’t have much energy
- Kids are more irritable when depressed– they struggle with almost everything
- Some kids do ask to see someone. If they ask, let them go to therapy!
Five People To Talk To
- Have kids make a list of five people they feel they can talk to in advance of them needing it
- Why? because when they are depressed their brain isn’t working right
- “One of the biggest complications when treating mental illness is people have to accept that, yeah, my brain’s not trustworthy right now, but I do have someone else in my life whose can give me guidance that I can trust”- Amy Morin
- If a child feels depressed, they should reach out to a trusted adult – it doesn’t have to be a parent
- Kids should learn that they don’t necessarily need to know everything
- “Don’t expose children to hardships just to toughen them up. The world is tough enough.”- Amy Morin
Death of a Parent
- When a parent passes away, children should find someone to talk to – not necessarily the surviving parent
- Opening up to a non-parent is healthy because the child can open up and not feel they are being judged
- Sometimes kids don’t want to go to the other parent because they feel that parent is grieving and don’t want to burden them
- But every experience is different – sometimes if a child sees a mom not crying, they will interpret it as the mom not caring
- It is one of the hardest situations because you can’t fix it and you can’t protect them
Focus on the Basics of Mental Health
- Communication is key – especially when kids are exposed to real-life situations, like their parents arguing
- It’s helpful when kids label their thoughts
- E.g., “I’ll never be good at this”- they’ll learn ‘this is my depression talking’
- Coping strategies are best learned before a child is depressed – it puts coping tools in their toolbox
- Focus on the things they have control over:
- What can I control?
- They should focus on what they can do not what they can’t do or what their friends are doing
- Focus on what their behavior is going to be today
- It’s good to have alone time – avoid the FOMO pitfall
Calculated Risks
- Teach kids how to take calculated risks
- There are different kinds of risks – they do not always align with the fear they induce
- Teach your child when to say no – kids don’t realize the power of no
- If a friend wants to copy their homework, it’s okay to say no – many don’t want to be “rude” to their friends
- Kids don’t have to be victims- they can set healthy boundaries for themselves
Celebrate Other Peoples Successes
- Learning not to be jealous is great for mental health
- Don’t look at people/friends as competitors
- Instead of focusing on their friend’s A or great sports stats, teach kids that these successes don’t preclude them from succeeding
- Low self-worth issues magnify feelings of jealousy
- Resentful kids grow up to be adults who do same thing: spending time being angry at social media and other’s successes
- Teach kids to be gracious! It will serve them well in adulthood
Persistence Pays
- It so easy to give up on things
- “If you’re working on self-growth, and trying to change your life, you need to put in time and energy and effort. It’s not like an Amazon order”- Amy Morin
- Sometimes the strength of persistence happens so slowly you don’t even notice it
- It’s time to throw in the towel when something doesn’t line up with your goals
First Steps
- If you suspect depression in a child, develop common language: “is that a blue thought or true thought?”
- Talk to your physician – they have screening tools
- Have kids start with one or two mental health exercises and build slowly
- Mental skills need practice
- E.g., Have them make a negative manifesto – this is what I WON’T do
- Avoiding certain things is as important as doing things
