Ego States, Dating Advice & Positive Masculine Traits | Dr. Taylor Burrowes on The Auxoro Podcast

Check out the Auxoro Episode Page & Show Notes

Key Takeaways

  • Whatever dating style you adopt, be transparent – dating multiple people at once is okay as long as the other person knows about it
  • Taylor’s advice for men is to not put women on a pedestal and to identify what they have to offer to women
    • There’s an abundance of women in the world, it’s important to vet them to find the ones best suited for you 
      • “Don’t just accept unpleasant women who take advantage of you, friend zone you, all that sort of stuff” – Taylor Burrowes
  • The positive way to deal with a situation where a woman crosses a line is to be firm but caring–tell her that her actions are unacceptable and that she will have to work to rebuild the trust that was broken
  • “Forcing things and rushing ahead is the worst thing for singles in the dating world and less is usually more” Taylor Burrowes
  • Successful men are usually coupled–they’re more time-efficient because they can divide roles with their partner and accomplish more, rather than constantly spend time chasing women
    • In a long-term relationship, you can work out all the kinks and weaknesses because the couple is invested in each other for the long run
      • In a short-term relationship, there’s no attachment and if there’s a problem, the other person can leave at anytime

Intro

  • Dr. Taylor Burrowes (@taylorburrowes) is a marriage and family therapist
    • Check out her website where she offers relationship counseling
  • Host: Zach Grossfeld (@Auxoromag)

Activate Your Alter Ego to Express Different Aspects of Personality

  • As a teenager, Taylor wanted to be an actor
    • Her advice for actors: Instead of pretending to be someone else in front of the camera, a better strategy is to activate different parts of your ego
  • Ego state theory states people show different parts of their personality based on their mood, environment, and other factors (Example: People act differently at work than they do when they’re with their friends)
    • “We live different ego states, like moods and perspectives, and we shift in and out of them depending on what the context is, what our mood is at the time, and what our motivations are, what our intentions are.” – Taylor Burrowes
      • Once you become aware of different parts of your ego, you can access parts of your ego that act dormant when needed
        • The same happens in dating, people bring out different parts of their personality depending on who they’re dating

Dating Advice

  • Whatever dating style you adopt, be transparent about it–it’s okay to date multiple people at once as long as the other person knows about it
  • Taylor believes it is healthier for women to only have sex in exclusive relationships
  • Taylor’s advises men not to put women on a pedestal and to identify what they have to offer to women
    • There’s an abundance of women in the world, it’s important to vet them to find the ones best suited for you 
      • “Don’t just accept unpleasant women who take advantage of you, friend zone you, all that sort of stuff” – Taylor Burrowes
        • Think of yourself as the prize and build yourself both personally and professionally 
  • It’s the role of man to communicate well, build trust, and make their woman feel good about herself. 
    • Women tend to be more neurotic and insecure and read into things more than men do
      • Older women tend to be better at regulating their emotions and less neurotic
  • If you’re too assertive, it comes off as desperate and needy 
    • Don’t try to jump ahead in the dating process, give things room to breathe and develop
      • “Forcing things and rushing ahead is the worst thing for singles in the dating world and less is usually more” Taylor Burrowes
  • “If he genuinely likes you, he’ll want to know who you are behind the curtain. He’ll listen and remember the things that matter to you.” – Taylor Burrowes
  • Successful men are usually coupled–they’re more time-efficient because they can divide roles with their partner and accomplish more, rather than constantly spend time chasing women
    • In a long-term relationship, you can work out all the kinks and weaknesses because the couple is invested in each other for the long run
      • In a short-term relationship, there’s no attachment and if there’s a problem, the other person can leave anytime

How to Develop Positive Masculine Traits

  • The most masculine trait is when the man is the head of the household and is helping raise his children: This includes teaching, protecting, and providing for them
    • You cannot be a strong father figure if you have multiple children with different women
      • “A fully developed man in his element will have a monogamous family unit” – Taylor Burrowes
  • Being a leader is another positive masculine trait: Men should strive to lead the women during a date and women should strive to be receptive to being lead
    • Being a leader doesn’t mean being controlling, it means guiding and creating a sense of direction
      • Men should have a good idea for a date planned out before meeting up with the women
  • Positive masculinity is being consistent, reliable, and following through on your words
  • The positive way to deal with a situation where a woman crosses a line is to be firm but caring–tell her that her actions are unacceptable and that she will have to work to rebuild the trust that was broken

Additional Notes

  • Men addicted to porn often have a need for intimacy and turn to porn to fulfill that need
  • The majority of the human population is not promiscuous 
Auxoro Podcast :
Notes By Alex Wiec

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