6 Things To Stop Expecting From Others & How To Leave Them Behind in 2019 – On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Check out the On Purpose with Jay Shetty Episode Page & Show Notes

Key Takeaways

  • The 6 things to stop expecting from others in 2020::
    • Closure
    • Apologies
    • Explanations
    • Understanding
    • Validation
    • Belief
  • And a few quotes you can’t miss:
    • “A lot of the time, the reason why we’re expecting an apology from someone else is because we haven’t forgiven ourselves. We haven’t actually apologized to ourselves for connecting with that person, for interacting with that person, for building a relationship with that person… We’re expecting an apology from someone else because we haven’t forgiven ourselves.– Jay Shetty
    • “Just as you could end up wearing something to an evening out that you’re not comfortable in, you could end up working in a career that you’re not comfortable in. You could end up dedicating your life to someone or something that you don’t care about because you’re looking for external validation.”Jay Shetty
    • “People believe more in you when you believe in yourself” Jay Shetty

Intro

  • Host – Jay Shetty (@JayShettyIW)
  • “When it comes to the end of the year, you have to reflect on the things that worked, the things that went really well… And you need to start shedding the baggage, letting go of the things that blocked you from doing well.”Jay Shetty

In 2020, Leave Behind the Expectations of Others

  • “It’s these expectations of others, it’s these obligations of others, and it’s these opinions of others that hold us back, stop us from our higher selves, and block us from our greatest potential” – Jay Shetty
  • Expectations are often based on false realities
    • “When we think of an expectation, we see it as something we expect. We expect it to happen because it seems obvious. But really, our expectations are not based on reality; they’re a projected reality. They’re a belief, they’re a hope, they’re a want, they’re a desire. They’re not necessarily based on reality.” – Jay Shetty
    • For example: Take a breakup
      • Instead of accepting the truth, you’re stuck in a projected reality (the “we’re going to figure this out” reality)
  • “When we stop expecting life, when we stop expecting people, when we stop expecting things to do the work for us, but we choose to do the work for ourselves, we choose to give that to ourselves… that’s when powerful things can happen.” Jay Shetty
    • Take the energy away from what you think other people should do/what you want other people to do/what you expect other people to do, and turn it into implementation 

#1 – Stop Expecting Closure

  • (Particularly in regards to breakups)
  • Why you should stop expecting closure:
    • 1) You’re probably not going to get it
    • 2) By waiting for closure, you’re living in a past reality, which means you can’t move on with actual reality
  • “The reason why people can’t give you closure is because they might not have even found the answers themselves” – Jay Shetty
  • Expecting closure is like expecting someone else to bandage a wound
    • If you fell and cut your knee, you wouldn’t wait for someone else to put a bandage on it
      • “Just as a wound is on your body, and it’s yours to deal with, this emotional wound of needing closure is on your mind, and it’s yours to deal with… When you give up the expectation of others to give you closure, you actually seal that wound far more effectively.”Jay Shetty
  • “When someone leaves us, we end up leaving ourselves because we stop being ourselves. We start judging ourselves harsher. We say, ‘I’m not beautiful enough. I’m not good-looking enough. I’m not funny enough. I’m not supportive enough. I’m not stable enough.’ All that does is it makes you all those things.” – Jay Shetty
  • In summary: Forget closure – create your own answers

#2 – Stop Expecting Apologies

  • Instead, learn to accept the apology you’ve never received
  • “Often, the reason why we’re expecting an apology from someone else is because we haven’t forgiven ourselves. We haven’t actually apologized to ourselves for connecting with that person, for interacting with that person, for building a relationship with that person… We’re expecting an apology from someone else because we haven’t forgiven ourselves.” – Jay Shetty
    • So… GIVE YOURSELF the apology you’re expecting from someone else

#3 – Stop Expecting Explanations

  • The main reason why: Most people are HORRIBLE at articulating their emotions
  • “When you stop expecting explanations from others, you get an opportunity to explain how you feel to yourself” – Jay Shetty
    • Find the vocabulary to articulate the situation to YOURSELF – doing so will give you confidence 

#4 – Stop Expecting Understanding

  • (Particularly in regards to people – parents, friends, etc. – understanding your passions/dreams/goals)
  • First off: “People can’t understand you, they can’t read in between the lines or read your mind, if you don’t express if that something is important to you” – Jay Shetty
    • (So, actually sit down and present the case, expressing why something is important)
  • Second: “If you wait for someone to understand, you may never start doing something”‘ – Jay Shetty

#5 – Stop Expecting Validation

  • 🎧“Just as you could end up wearing something to an evening out that you’re not comfortable in, you could end up working in a career that you’re not comfortable in. You could end up dedicating your life to someone or something that you don’t care about because you’re looking for external validation.” Jay Shetty
    • Instead… validate yourself
  • “The need for external validation drives us to do some of the stupidest things ever… We make some of the worst career, relationship, and financial decisions because of the need for external validation.” – Jay Shetty
  • “When you’re looking to be validated by others, you’re living according to their values… Not yours. Which means you’re creating a life that may not be valuable to you.” – Jay Shetty

#6 – Stop Expecting Others to Believe in You

  • “No one will believe in you more than you believe in yourself” – Jay Shetty
  • 🎧 STOP WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO BELIEVE IN YOU SO YOU CAN BELIEVE IN YOURSELF 
    • It works the other way – people believe in you once you believe in yourself 
      • And where does that self-belief come from? – It comes when you live up to the commitments and promises you make to yourself

Additional Notes

  • In 2019, “On Purpose” was the most-streamed podcast on Spotify in India
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