Kapil Gupta and Moe Abdou: Legend is Uncompromising – The 33voices Dialogue

Check out The 33voices Dialogue Episode Page & Show Notes

Key Takeaways

  • Very close to ZERO relationships truly nourish anyone’s life
  • “The interiority of a human being is a very dangerous place”
  • Every human should have a near-death experience once per quarter
  • Conflicts between business partners are NEVER solved by compromises
  • The perfect decision is a pure decision.
    • It’s the decision that has no interference or reactivity tied to it
    • As long as you feel “nothing” (like self-conflict) after having made a decision, then it’s a perfect decision
  • Know that “intuition isn’t just intuition”
    • Is the intuition that’s coming up arising from societal conditioning? Or is it true intuition? – It’s very important to be able to distinguish between the two
  • A quote you can’t miss:
    • “If you have 10 people in a room…if you have 1 in those 10 who has that unique and rare DNA, and they’re an ‘outside the box’ human, he needs to run like hell from the other 9”

Intro

How does Kapil distinguish between a real relationship and a phony one?

  • “I don’t know if there are any so called real relationships outside of the relationship you have with yourself”
    • All other relationships are an extension, or mirror, of that one
  • Kapil says he tends to stay quiet, and much prefers to avoid parties and social gatherings
    • His social circle is quite tight
      • “The more I go along in life, the more it becomes painfully clear that the things I want to look into are not really the things others want to look into”
  • “Very close to ZERO relationships nourish anyone’s life”
    • “The thing that people get from relationships is a respite from loneliness”
      • Relationships allow one to laugh, and discuss many “meaningless thing”
    • “If you look at the foundation of most relationships, there is nothing but cracks in that foundation”
      • “Every relationship is only a heartbeat away from disaster”
        • Even the one’s with your family

Why do most people run away from the relationship they have with themselves?

  • When one really examines the relationship they have with themself they find things that they don’t really want to see
    • It’s far easier to ignore and deny because as soon as you verbalize something, it becomes real
    • “The interiority of a human being is a very dangerous place”

What does “relationship with yourself” really mean?

  • Kapil describes:
    • It’s knowing where your emotions come from
    • It’s the ways in which a given individual is attached to all the things and people in his life and how those attachments – “those ropes and chains” – have a very costly impact upon him/her
  • “An insight into why one says/thinks/feels the way that he does, I think breaking apart that foundation and tearing off all the layers is not something that’s healthy or good for you or recommended, but in doing so, that actually is the way to arrive at a semblance of solidity in one’s life in which one does not live like a leaf in the wind”

Know This – It’s All About Urgency

  • “Unless there’s some impetus that creates an urgency, you’ll sink into the ‘collecting ground’ so to speak”
    • This sense of urgency never leaves Kapil – he’s always searching for the TRUTH
  • One of the most life changing things for someone can be a near-death experience
    • “I think, as a human being, I should have a near-death-experience once per quarter”

Conflicts Between Business Partners Are Never Solved by Compromises

  • Kapil had a recent tweet related to this
    • Or in any relationship really…
  • “That which you compromise away, you will resent at having been forced to compromise away”
  • Kapil says it’s instead about uncompromise
    • Each person has to reach and declare their non-negotiables, the thing(s) they cannot do or cannot keep from doing
    • “Compromising only leads to problems, it doesn’t fix anything”
    • If the uncompromises are set, what can be compromised on are the things which are held loosely
      • “The things you compromise on are the things you don’t really care about”

Honesty

  • “No one is honest with themselves, everyone’s a liar”
  • Human beings are not taught to be honest
    • “Everything in society is a flinch, and a beating around the bush – a ‘don’t stop on that toe’ or ‘don’t say that too loudly'”

How would Kapil go about selecting a business partner?

  • In the movie Moneyball, a character – Billy Beane, is talking with the team’s recently hired stats guy, and says:
    • “One way or another, we’re gonna see this through. Either we’re all in or we’re not. If we’re all in, then we’re gonna fire the entire team and we’re gonna trade every player that we have to until we get things just the way we want because it’s only then that we’ll know whether the system works or not. We can’t go halfway.”
    • Someone like THAT – that’s who Kapil would want to partner with
      • “That all in type sincerity is invaluable”
  • “I would be partial to someone who had a real objection, almost a hatred for the status quo…someone who would be EMBARRASSED to follow the status quo. That would be a foundational element I’d look for.”
  • What about trust?
    • Trust is something you find out over time 

Decision-Making

  • Kapil posted a recent thread on Twitter related to this
  • Is there such thing as a perfect decision?
    • Yes – “The perfect decision is a pure decision. It is the decision that has no interference or reactivity.”
      • It doesn’t produce self-conflict
      • But this perfect decision won’t always produce the perfect result
    • As long as you feel “nothing” (like self-conflict) after having made a decision, then it’s a perfect decision
      • “When consciousness doesn’t open it’s mouth, neither does fear, neither does excitement….”

Intuition

  • The difficulty lies in deciphering between conditioned intuition and natural intuition
    • How to you distinguish between them? – “That question, is the greatest how there is”
    • But this is important – know that “intuition isn’t just intuition”
      • Is the intuition that’s coming up arising from societal conditioning? Or is it true intuition?

Setting Organizational Goals – Where’s the sweet spot of setting goals to get an organization to rally around something it hasn’t done before?

  • (This is a listener question from a business leader)
  • Stop trying to “rally” people around a goal/idea
  • “Whatever leader you’re speaking of who asked that question, it should be known that this leader is placing a massive and enormous ceiling upon him/herself in asking that question.  No matter what answer they receive, the very question is a dead end.”
  • How are business teams are inspired then?
    • “There’s no team”
    • “If you have 10 people in a room… if you have 1 in those 10 who has that unique and rare DNA, and they’re an ‘outside the box’ human, he needs to run like hell from the other 9”
      • “That 1 person needs to forget about motivating anyone or rallying anything…that 1 person needs to become so world class at arriving at purity, at arriving at internal wholeness, at arriving at making perfect decisions, at arriving at crystallizing his/her vision without ANY interference, feedback, questioning, or pollution from ANY of the other 9”
      • “That person has to allow themselves the permission to be unabashedly who they are. Otherwise they’re like the sand that’s being lapped by the ocean of the common who is wearing away their foundation”
    • There’s no magic to leadership
      • “When the 1 is completely the 1, people fall in line” 
      • A true leader never asks the common folk for feedback

Not Caring What Others Think – Is that freedom?

  • “To arrive at not caring what ANYONE thinks about you, not even your own family or your own kids, not your spouse, not your boss, not your audience, not your fans, not the media….to not reactively but to genuinely arrive at that place inside yourself because you no longer have to put on a face…that’s an enormous milestone in a human being’s life”
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