The 33voices Dialogue – The Game of Legend with Kapil Gupta and Moe Abdou

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Key Takeaways

  • “Everyone has a hole that they’re trying to fill and that hole is filled by success, wins, money, or status, whatever it may be…and that really creates an enormous problem, because then you’re beholden to the outcome to decide how it is that you feel about yourself”
    • This means that your internal state is always in the hands of someone or something else – aka the outcome
  • When elite athletes don’t play well, many assume it’s a problem of skill acquisition – but it’s more about skill access
  • To the people who are serious – “Look at your own life. Examine honestly and innocently all the prescriptions that you follow for purposes of your well being, your business, your profession, whatever it may be…see where it’s gotten you. See if it has gotten you to an arrival. See if has gotten you to a permanent state where there are no more questions.”
    • As you move away from prescriptions, your questions will begin to change
    • Why? – Because you’re not looking through a how-to lens anymore
  • How do you know if you have super elite DNA?
    • Even asking yourself that question implies that you have some semblance of that DNA
    • “The people who truly don’t have that DNA, are too oblivious to even know that they don’t have it”
  • “Competition is for those who have not mastered and they have nothing left to do but compete”
    • “Competition is like fighting over a half-eaten sandwich”
  • “Teams are a false construct. There is no ‘team.’ From the outside, it looks like a team, but each person within that room is a perfect individual who is the best at his particular thing.”
    • “The ‘group’ and the ‘team’ – that’s only an added societal label”

Intro

A Great Quote to Start

  • The last podcast with Moe and Kapil ended with Kapil saying – “It is only the one who is full before he arrives, that asks nothing from the game. When a human being has no need, he is free. And when he is free, he becomes untouchable. He becomes a legend.”
    • People look at their craft or pursuit as a way to get something – like a wishing well of sorts
    • “Everyone has a hole that they’re trying to fill, and that hole is filled by success, wins, money, or by status, whatever it may be…and that really creates an enormous problem, because then you’re beholden to the outcome to decide how it is that you feel about yourself”
      • That means your internal state is always in the hands of someone or something else – aka the outcome

How can we get to the point of allowing ourselves to just let go of the outcome?

  • It’s tough for sure
    • Kapil has a good counterargument though – “It’s tough to get to that point if you’re viewing it as a prescription. It’s not so tough to get to that if you come to the conclusion that you have no other choice.”
      • “Everything is tough when it’s viewed from the standpoint of a prescription”
  • The only way then – You have to get to the point of “there’s no other option”
  • “Everything has to be genuine, you can’t come at it through prescriptive needs”

Examine the Fear and Anxiety Before the Outcome

  • “No one ever looks at where they are, because they’re so busy looking at where they should be”
    • No one stops to examine the consequences of the way they view things
    • Why don’t you see that this attachment to the outcome is ruining your life?
  • Don’t just examine the outcome, examine the fear/anxiety you’ve been feeling for years up until the outcome took place
    • Ask yourself – “Why is it that I’ve been living in fear and anxiety for all these years?”
      • You need to see that it just isn’t sustainable
  • “EVERYONE is distraught from beginning to end”
    • As an example – Say you own a company, and more likely than not, no matter how it’s doing now, you’ve had a severe fear of it failing for a long time
    • So examine the distraughtness that you’ve been living in
  • Don’t ask – “How can I can I not feel affected when the company fails?” 
    • Ask – “Why have I felt dejected all along?”

The Problem Isn’t Skill Acquisition, It’s Skill Access

  • Kapil touched on this more in these Podcast Notes
  • When elite athletes don’t play well, many assume it’s a problem of skill acquisition – but it’s more about skill access
    • Reporters/coaches are likely to say – “You have to go back and work on your technique, and you have to work harder, and you have to improve your skill”
      • “If that was the case, then they would never play well. If it was a question of skill acquisition, then they wouldn’t have one great game and then two bad games. Where would the great game come from if the skill wasn’t there? If it hadn’t been already acquired, the athlete shouldn’t have any great games. But that’s not the case.”
      • Just think – “Where did that skill go between last Wednesday and today?”
    • So how would Kapil instruct a client to think about a bad game they played? 
      • He’d have them ask/ponder the question of why they aren’t able to access the necessary skills

We’re All Just Sheep Following Sheep

  • “This is all just a scam. Everything in this society is a scam. From the government, to the FDA, to sports coaching, to business coaching…it’s all a farce! There’s nothing real here – it’s just swirling muddy water.”
    • It has nothing to do with people not being smart enough – just no one is interested in asking the real questions, the questions that actually get someone somewhere
  • “Everyone’s interested in working nonstop. Everyone’s interested in practice, and following the guidelines – what they should or shouldn’t do…it’s sheep following sheep”

Very Few People are Serious

  • “It has nothing to do with what you need to do. You need to ask yourself if you’re really serious, and give yourself an honest answer.”
    • “The truth is, very few people are serious”
  • To the people who are serious – “Look at your own life. Examine honestly and innocently all the prescriptions that you follow for purposes of your well being, your business, your profession, whatever it may be…see where it’s gotten you. See if it has gotten you to an arrival. See if it has gotten you to a permanent state where there are no more questions.”
    • If you realize prescriptions haven’t gotten you to where you hope to be – “You will naturally and organically move away from prescriptions, not because I say so, but because you have found for yourself that they haven’t gotten you anywhere.”
      • As you move away from prescriptions, your questions will begin to change
      • Why? – Because you’re not looking through a how-to lens anymore… you’ve realized looking through that lens doesn’t work
  • What happens when your questions begin to change?
    • “The people or the situations that may provide the direction for that person, also begin to change”

What kinds of questions was Kapil asking himself when he made the shift away from prescriptions?

  • He gives a few examples:
    • What is the 1 thing that fixes 12?
    • What is the most fundamental truth upon which all these problems exist?

The SUPER Elite

  • Within a group of elite athletes, everyone is very talented – so there, what separates the super elite, from the other elites, is the mind
  • What is the mind like for the super elites?
    • It’s their DNA – it’s DIFFERENT
      • That super elite DNA = The desire to be beyond comparison, walking your own path, going against the grain
  • They just have a different aura about them
    • The things that attract them, are different
    • The places they want to go career wise, are different
    • The way they do things outside their profession, is different
  • But – “It’s a mistake to start looking at these people and follow their habits”
    • “The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People – it’s all DRIVEL”
  • How do you know if you have super elite DNA?
    • Even asking yourself that question, implies that you have some semblance of that DNA
    • “The people who truly don’t have that DNA, are too oblivious to even know that they don’t have it”

To Be ELITE…

  • It’s not about figuring out what you can do to perform better, it’s about realizing what the problems, or the things you haven’t realized, are, that have hampered your performance
    • The former may make you 5% better
    • But the latter has the potential to blow the doors open… by way of understanding

Kapil’s Thoughts on Competition

  • “I don’t compete with anyone. I’m just constantly searching for the truth.”
    • Kapil has said – “Competition is for those who have not mastered, and they have nothing left to do but compete”
      • “If you master darts, and you can hit the bullseye every time, why would you compete? You’d have no competition.”
      • “Competition is for those who haven’t learned to hit the bullseye every time, and they’re getting together to compete, to see who can get closest.”
      • “Competition is like fighting over a half-eaten sandwich”
      • “Competition breeds mediocrity”
  • “In my view, anything can be mastered. There is a way to own it.”
    • “Because that is my view, that will naturally be my pursuit. If my view was that competition is the way, then naturally my pursuit would be to go and out-practice the other, in hopes that I could get 2% better than him”
    • “Whatever your view is, that’s what your pursuit will be” 
      • This is why the lens in which you see things, has real consequences

The Nature of Your Fears Have Consequences

  • “If you’re afraid of losing, or not becoming a success, then you’ll go down the path of hard work and struggle. But, if you’re afraid of not learning the absolute truth, and that’s what you’re truly afraid of…how good you could have been…then you’ll go down the path of mastery.”

Groups and Teams

  • “Groups are a dumbing down phenomenon. Groups are a regression to the mean phenomenon.”
    • “There isn’t a single group in the world that has wisdom. Even if you go to a Buddhist monastery, that group doesn’t have wisdom.
    • “If there’s one brilliant person in a group, he will be eaten alive by the mediocre”
  • So how do you build a great team then?
    • “Teams are a false construct. There is no ‘team.’ From the outside, it looks like a team, but each person within that room is a perfect individual who is the best at his particular thing.”
      • “The ‘group’ and the ‘team’ – that’s only an added societal label”
        • “The guitar player isn’t helping the piano player play the piano while he’s playing the guitar”
        • ‘It’s only when a person is purely individualistic, and sticks to the perfection of his own craft, that a symphony is created”
      • “It’s parallel play. It isn’t really a team.”
    • In a way then – “Just do your job” – is great advice

Some Thoughts on Leaders

  • Before giving the advice “do your job” – a leader needs to first ingrain that within himself 
    • “In general, leaders tend to be too interested in what others think of them. That’s a big hole they need to fill before speaking a single word to anybody else”
  • “As long as he is influenced by what others say, as long as he has insecurity in how he may be viewed, then he will not be anywhere near his ULTIMATE, with regards to performance”

Kapil’s New Solo Podcast

  • Check out the Podcast Notes
  • “I never do a solo podcast until I’m ready to speak purely. Regardless of who likes it, the things that I must be true to, are my deepest instincts of purity, without a single drop of an attempt to put on a show, or to be an entertainment, or to play to any crowd – that is simply unacceptable to me”

Does Kapil ever run ideas by anyone?

  • Yes – but just because he’s asking someone for advice or help on something, doesn’t mean his filter isn’t on full blast
    • “Because the truth is, the chances that I’ve stumbled on someone who is truly, truly seeking the truth, is 1 in a million”
    • “But if he speaks truth, I’ll know it immediately, even if I know nothing about the topic. You just know it.”
      • “You can sense fear. You can sense someone holding back and not want to go against the status quo.”

“Most Experts, Aren’t Really Experts”

  • “People are ‘experts’ based on what they’d read, and the more they’ve read about something, the more they brand themselves as an expert”
    • But everything they’ve read, wasn’t written by them – it’s all recycled information
  • “True originality is extraordinarily rare”
    • Why? – There are plenty of truly original humans, but those truly original humans must have the DNA to not be afraid of what the world thinks of them

Wrapping Up

  • “I think there is so much freedom in genuinely not being interested in what others think of you. I think that’s a massive milestone to reach, in any human being’s life. That sort of imprisonment, really ruins your existence.”
  • Are you really scared of what others think? Or is it something else?
    • The people who are afraid of what others think are really scared of imbibing what others may think of them 
  • So how can you stop caring what others think?
    • When you care what others think – “The desire for acceptance, and validation, is greater than the aversion of the toxicity that the situation creates.”
    • And the greatest desire always wins…
      • So when the desire for validation is greater than the feeling of toxicity for being dependent on others’ approval, then it’s impossible to leave that space

These notes were edited by RoRoPa Editing Services

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