The 33voices Dialogue – The Truth About Self-Worth with Moe Abdou & Kapil Gupta

Check out The 33voices Dialogue Episode Page and Show Notes

Key Takeaways

  • “It’s inevitable that self-worth is going to be an issue, because wherever there is any type of image, that image can NEVER be enough”
  • By comparing yourself with others, you’re comparing yourself with people you shouldn’t even be comparing against – “You’re almost begging for a regression”
  • “Mentors bring about more detriment than benefit”
    • They will not be able to be so perfectly disciplined to give you ONLY what you need, without giving you anything extra
    • “True originality only results when given the proper space and soil to grow, when you are not bound by someone else’s experiences and input. Being naive and innocent is a massive advantage.”
  • “Do NOT allow yourself to succumb to the status quo, of this filth, that we call society”
  • Satisfaction NEVER lasts
    • “If every day, I brought you a new sports car, but every other day I took it away…you would NOT look at that as a positive experience. That is EXACTLY how life is.”
    • “If someone realizes that no matter what someone does in their life, they will never arrive at a place of satisfaction that will last … that person becomes FREE”
      • The reason they become free? – They will not tie any sense of hope, or anticipation of happiness, or self-worth to what they are doing
      • “They will be free to create and do whatever it is they wish to do, completely unbound by the hope of success or the fear of failure”
  • Why do we have problems with setbacks? – Because we’re ATTACHED
    • We’re viewing things through the lens of self-gratification vs. failure
      • Through that lens you will have failure FAR more often, than you have self-gratification – You’re just not going to win that game
    • “The ultimate business person, the ultimate athlete, the ultimate individual in any domain, is the one who is first and foremost FREE. Come success or come failure. It IS what it IS.”
    • “It is only the one who is full before he arrives, that asks nothing from the game. When a human being has no need, he is free. And when he is free, he becomes untouchable. He becomes a legend.”

Intro

How come so many people feel that they just aren’t good enough?

  • We’re always comparing ourselves to others
    • “Naturally, when you have that, everyone will feel that they’ve come up short”
  • “I think self-worth, in many ways, is like chasing a ghost”
    • “A human being doesn’t really know who he is, and as a result, he has an image. That image is based on his experiences, and what he has been told, and what he has accomplished, and what he has failed at. All of those go into the equation of making that self-image.”
    • We’re always trying to improve our self-image, to be in line with more of what society wants/what is deemed successful/appropriate
      • “Wherever you have rules, you have problems”
      • “It’s inevitable that self-worth is going to be an issue, because wherever there is any type of image, that image can NEVER be enough”

Does Kapil ever compare himself to other people?

  • “I think the bar in this world is actually very low. The number of individuals in any domain who are actually searching for the truth, is actually so minuscule, that it is almost practically non-existent”
    • When someone has even a little bit of authenticity or sincerity, or a little bit of true desire to know the truth about one’s domain, this completely allows them to surpass the status quo – that person becomes a super star
    • So by comparing yourself with others, you’re comparing yourself with people you shouldn’t even be comparing against – “You’re almost begging for a regression”
    • “I don’t think anybody should compare against anybody. Competition is a road to mediocrity.”

“Mentors Are Used Cars”

  • “If someone wants to learn something, or someone is moved by something, it was something within THEM that caused them to either want to learn or be moved”
    • “Nobody wants to learn, if they don’t want to learn. Telling them that they should learn is disingenuous, because it will fall upon deaf ears.”
  • Sure, there are tools of the trade you can learn from the greats, or perhaps a mentor
    • BUT what comes along with those teachings?
      • A culture fed into you by that mentor 
      • “You will be subject to his recycled experiences.” 
      • He will NEVER stay in domain of just those tools that he’s teaching you – he’ll bring along a philosophy 
    • “Mentors bring about more detriment than benefit”
      • They will not be able to be so perfectly disciplined to give you ONLY what you need, without giving you anything extra
  • “Listen to what you want to listen to, and take from it what you think will be of benefit to you, knowing full well that the entire time the vast majority of what you will be hearing, will be recycled information that will not be unique, that will be very derivative, and very status quo.”
    • As long as your filter is on FULL BLAST, then there might be some things that you can learn
  • “I think mentors are used cars”
    • When you buy a used car, you’re buying someone else’s problems
    • Your mentor most likely just did what worked for them – they didn’t get to where they are by worshiping someone else’s TECHNIQUE or through MENTORSHIP
      • “That’s why I think it’s a waste of time to follow Warren Buffet. It’s such a joke. No one should ever be following these people. Do you think they’re going to come out and tell you all of their secrets?”
      • These people don’t operate by ways of mentorship, tricks, and tips – They are introspective, and devout their lives to their craft, and to learning what others don’t know 
    • “True originality only results when given the proper space and soil to grow, when you are not bound by someone else’s experiences and input. Being naive and innocent is a massive advantage.”
  • Don’t see “mentorship” through the lens of only what might provide you benefit – don’t fail to see the side that might provide you determent
    • “Along with that useful information, often times you’ll be handcuffed”

Who does Kapil think is truly elite?

  • Miyamoto Musashi
    • He left his house at age 13, lived in the jungle, and day and night he studied the mind, and the craft of swordmenship
    • He then challenged the greatest swordsmen in local provinces 
      • And he never lost a fight
    • “Total and utter devotion to craft, with a complete and utter disrespect and dismissal for the status quo…genius”
  • How can the ordinary people get to that level?
    • “Ordinary people go no where”
    • “Society caters to the lowest common denominator, and that is why it creates greater numbers of lowest common denominators, when it frankly should be doing the opposite”
    • “The real question is, the people who have the DNA to already be close to that…how do those people not become ruined by a mediocre culture and society which will drag them down? THAT is the question.”
      • What does it take? – Permission
        • “That the individual who lives on the fringes of society, who is brilliant in his domain, who has never really fit in, who has always felt like this world was not really his home, who does not quite mingle in society, who has NO interest in socialization, who is completely devoted to his craft, and yet at every turn he is being told he needs to be more moderate in his views – THAT person is searching for permission, that precisely the way in which he is, as wild as he is….is precisely where he should be”
        • “That individual needs to be given the permission, that it is not only okay, but his way of being should actually be celebrated”
        • “Do NOT allow yourself to succumb to the status quo, of this filth, that we call society”

How does Kapil advise people to deal with setbacks?

  • “The reason failure poses problems, is because the view point from which we view the game, is fundamentally flawed”
  • There will ALWAYS be setbacks and problems
    • “It’s not about coming in on the back end, and trying to pick up the pieces, because if you do that, the pieces are going to fall apart again. So you’re only putting the pieces together with scotch tape.”
  • “It’s just another example of how unsatisfying life really is. Life and the journey of a worldly/domestic existence…if that is the lens through which life is lived, there is a constant struggle in order to achieve a sense of satisfaction. That compels one to chase pleasurable experiences, or chase success in order to give oneself a greater self-image in hopes of arriving at some form of satisfaction, but that NEVER lasts.”
    • The more setbacks/failures/dramas/conflicts – for the person looking at them as such, it drills home the point that “life indeed is suffering”
  • If life is that miserable, what do we celebrate?
    • “I don’t know why anyone celebrates anything. I celebrate NOTHING. I truly don’t.”
    • “There is only suffering. There is only misery. The reason that is, is because nothing lasts.”
      • “If every day, I brought you a new sports car, but every other day I took it away…you would NOT look at that as a positive experience. That is EXACTLY how life is.”
  • “No matter what you do in this world, whether you raise children, or start a $20 billion company, or you become a famous professional athlete, at the end of the day, every human being ends up in the same place. They end up alone in their house, with the lights dimmed, wondering when the satisfaction is going to arrive. It doesn’t matter how big your bank account is; fundamentally everyone reverts to the foundation of, ‘What comes next?’ Because none of these things last. You don’t have to believe a single word of what I say. You just have to open your eyes and look.”
  • “If someone realizes that no matter what someone does in their life, they will never arrive at a place of satisfaction that will last … that person becomes FREE”
    • The reason they become free? –  They will not tie any sense of hope, or anticipation of happiness, or self-worth to what they are doing
      • “They will be free to create and do whatever it is they wish to do, completely unbound by the hope of success or the fear of failure”

The Reason People Have Problems With Setbacks and Failure

  • Why do we have problems with setbacks? – Because we’re ATTACHED
    • We’re viewing things through the lens of self-gratification vs. failure
      • “Through that lens you will have failure FAR more often, than you have self-gratification. You’re not going to win that game.”
  • If you have a problem with a setback, you’re just viewing it through the lens of attachment….so naturally, you’re going to suffer
    • “You’re going to be like a tin can, tied with a rope, behind the bumper of a car. Wherever that car goes, whatever bump it feels, you’re going to feel.”
  • “Everything is irrelevant. Nothing has any significance. If you’re company goes up in smoke, it goes up in smoke.”
    • “The ultimate business person, the ultimate athlete, the ultimate individual in any domain, is the one who is first and foremost FREE. Come success or come failure. It IS what it IS.”
      • With any setbacks, that person is unaffected…why? Because they view it as a GAME

How would Kapil structure an organization, or a company he’s building, to achieve greatness?

  • Be UNCOMPROMISING – “If you give a human being an inch, he will take a mile”
    • “If you structure things in an air tight fashion, you will tend to attract those who are moved by that philosophy”
    • “The moment you compromise, the moment you crack open that door, you’re finished”
  • NEVER compromise on your vision 
  • Figure out your non-negotiables and NEVER compromise on them
    • Whoever is hired, whoever you surround yourself with, should be individuals who are airtight in those non-negotioables 
    • “When you have an airtight vision, you cannot allow your mind to be exposed to views that are contrary and inferior to your vision. Those things will SABOTAGE you.”
      • This is why Kapil mutes/blocks people on Twitter all the time

What are Kapil’s non-negotiables?

  • Arriving at complete and total freedom from the mind
  • From a societal perspective, no ingested substances of any kind…EVER
    • “I’ve never had a drop of alcohol in my life. I’ve never take a drug in my life.”
      •  (Obviously this does not include things like Tylenol)
  • “I live a very hermetic existence. I go out….but quietly”

The Dangers of Society

  • “The one thing I am completely and utterly cognizant and acutely aware of, is the danger of culture, the danger of environment”
    • Society KILLS the greatness in many people 
  • “The greatest individual will shun the world. He will be an isolationist. He will be a hermit. Because he cannot afford association.”
  • Our self-doubt, largely originates from society
    • Why do we internalize it – Because we on some level, value society
      • If you value someone or something, you’re going to lend an ear to it – “Because people place value on society, they allow it in”
    • “It’s irrelevant to tell someone, ‘Don’t listen to people. Don’t let the world bring you down.’ That CAN’T happen UNLESS that person has no respect for the world.”

Kapil’s Thoughts on Elon Musk

  • “Elon Musk has very rare DNA”
    • “Elon Musk is a good example of a person who needs to be very cognizant of the fact that because he is an outlier with regards to level of success, and being very original and imaginative….that society is a poisonous swarm, that through various different avenues could serve to derail his gargantuan efforts
      • “If the window is cracked open, that poisonous gas is coming through the window”
      • “The maintenance of the purity of one’s vision, without the slightest form of compromise, is what must be kept in tact”

How did Kapil turn out to be the way he is?

  • “I don’t know why I turned out the way I turned out”
  • “Often times it isn’t what you do, it’s what you find yourself doing. So if I was to go back and examine, I’ve always been a loner. I was an only child. I’ve always done things alone. I’ve always gone out to eat alone, and never had an interest in going out to eat with other people. I’ve always been a writer. I’ve NEVER been interested in the social scene. I’ve always asked questions that were thought of as crazy and wild…just totally different.”
    • “There was no event. It’s just always been that way. The seeds of being this way were sown at a very young age. They weren’t sown by anybody…they were just DNA.”
  • This is why Kapil thinks much of the self-help stuff out there, is garbage
    • “You can”t really make yourself something you’re not”
    • You have to work from a place where you genuinely ARE
    • “If something really resonates with you, you will naturally begin to move in that direction, without having to make a choice”

Human Beings Don’t Really Want Freedom From the Mind

  • “The number of people who truly want freedom from their mind, I can probably count on one hand”
    • “I don’t think people want freedom from their minds….I think it’s a tasty notion when they’re being tormented. And when they’re not being tormented, they want freedom to watch TV, they want freedom to argue politics, freedom to complain about the president…”
  • “People want the benefit of things. They don’t want the totality of things.”
    • You have to have the good, as well as the bad
    • You can’t get rid of the sadness/sorrow, yet keep the happiness/joy 

Wrapping Up

  • Arrive at the place where you’re not affected by success or failure, and you’re not interested in self-gratification, because with that self-gratification, there will be 10x more sorrow/failure 
    • View things as a GAME – this will allow you to be free
    • “It is only the one who is full before he arrives, that asks nothing from the game. When a human being has no need, he is free. And when he is free, he becomes untouchable. He becomes a legend.”
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