The Art of Manliness: The Importance of Building Social Capital with Jordan Harbinger

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  • Your social circle is everything
  • For 11 years, Jordan Harbinger was the host of the Art of Charm Podcast, but recently found himself out of the host chair and without a job
  • How did he use his social circle to develop his new show, The Jordan Harbinger Show
Leaving The Art of Charm and Starting From Square One
  • You’re not really starting from square one when you leave a venture, you bring with you all the knowledge you picked up in that original venture
  • What were his biggest fears when he left?
    • There we tons, and tons of “What ifs?”
    • It’s important to gain perspective – quitting/leaving a podcast is nothing compared to something as bad as having cancer
How did Jordan manage to deal with the anxiety of leaving Art of Charm?
  • Meditation came in handy
  • He realized – “Changes, whether big or small, are inevitable”
  • Our brains prefers having perfect, stable information. Any information we don’t have, is what we tend to focus on. So losing a job, is something we catastrophize.
    • Uncertainty is a function how much information you have vs. how much information you want
  • “Uncertain things aren’t a thing we need to deal with. The fact is, your life is made of uncertain situations.”
Asking for Help
  • ABG – “Always be giving” 
    • Give without the expectation of anything in return
  • “When people ask me for help, I don’t judge them, and people won’t judge you”
    • If you can’t be vulnerable and show weakness when you actually have it, you’re not really a strong person
  • To start, Jordan made a list of 10-20 people he could reach out to, that he knew would be helpful and compassionate
  • It’s natural to fear rejection
Getting Back on His Feet
  • Jordan had two choices – just keep going and start a new show or whine about it
  • Getting back to work is the best therapy
  • Uncertainty and stagnation may drive you crazy, but any amount of progress can cure this
  • “There’s no such thing as overwhelm, there’s just not knowing what to do next”
    • Only worry about the next step, that’s it
    • Instead of trying to focus on everything all at once, just focus on what you can do next
“Dig the well before you get thirsty”
  • Build relationships before you need to
  • Homework – If you got laid off from a job today, who are the 10 people you’d call for advice on what to do next?
    • Once you know this – reach out to those people before you need something
    • People are hesitant to reach out for help because they know they’ll be that person coming out of the woodwork asking for a favor – keep in touch with people so you don’t have to worry about this
  • Your network is your networth
How does Jordan keep in touch with his network?
  • Remember ABG
  • Use Facebook to remember dates and get conversation topics – birthdays, people having babies etc.
  • Opportunistic things – if you see something that reminds you of someone, reach out to them
  • When reaching out consider saying “NNTR” (No Need to Respond) or “No Response Necessary” at the end of your message/email – it shows you respect the other persons time
  • The hierarchy of communication and maintaining a relationship with your network
    • Seeing someone in person > calling them > emailing > Facebook message > commenting on a post > liking a post on Facebook
      • See people in person when possible, then call them etc.
  • Jordan uses Contactually
    • This system keeps track of communication, and reminds him after X amount of days, that he hasn’t spoken to a certain person
  • Help people in a scalable way
    • Introduce people in your network to each other
    • Avoid keeping score of who owes one another what in regards to help
      • “If you’re not giving without the expectation of something in return, you’re going to miss most of the opportunities because you won’t know how people will be able to help you.”
  • In general – reach out to help people, or reach out to check in – DON’T just reach out when you want something
    • Do NOT ask people how you can help them (this is a way of making the other person do the work of thinking how they might need help) – give specific help
More Homework
  • Pick 1-2 people in your social circle who you want to have a stronger relationship with, and do things to strengthen that relationship
    • When you’re done, do it again
  • After you’ve done this multiple times, you won’t be embarrassed to ask people for help, because you’ll just be talking to friends, not people you haven’t talked to in X number of years