Podcast Notes Summary – Relationships and Sex

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It’s been too long. Time for another Podcast Notes original. This time, relationships and sex.

Let’s start with sex

In these Podcast Notes, Emily Morse (@SexWithEmily), host of the Sex with Emily podcast, dropped some great lines and tips on The Truth Barrel:

  • Sex is 20% of a relationship, but when it’s not working it’s 80% of a relationship
    • We’re not taught to prioritize sex until it’s a problem
  • People are raised to think men always want sex, and women don’t want it and are pushing guys away…but it’s equally desired
  • Sex has to be a priority, whether or not you’re in a relationship. Don’t wait until there’s a problem
    • Although you may be tired, you’re never going to regret giving you or your partner pleasure
  • Keep some mystery, it creates romantic/sexual tension
    • So…. Do NOT go to the bathroom in front of your partner, that’s the complete opposite of keeping mystery
  • People have a sex script – have a conversation about fantasies, desires, and what turns you on
  • Communication, not criticism
    • Don’t tell your partner what they’re doing wrong, tell them what you like
  • Sex toys are like a spice for cooking, it enhances things

Neil Stauss (@neilstrauss), host of the Truth Barrel with Gaby Rece, is the author of two very good books about relationships:

In a popular episode of The Tim Ferriss Show, Tim sat down with Alice Little (@thealicelittle), the top earning sex worker at The Moonlite Bunny Ranch Las Vegas, Nevada – check out our notes. Here’s what she had to say about sex:

  • “Everything in life is about sex, except for sex. Sex is about power.”
  • “Sex is a need, not just a want” – there’s positive psychological effects
  • Some sex toy recommendations: The Hitachi Magic Wand
    • This can also serve as a great tool for relaxing stiff muscles as discussed in Tools of Titans
  • To help set the mood, here’s some music that Alice recommends:
Okay, how about relationships? What has the podcast world taught us?

Let’s start with this episode (notes here) of The Tim Ferriss Show – Intimacy, Emotional Baggage, Relationship Longevity, and More with Esther Perel (@estherperel)

  • For marriage longevity:
    • You must show appreciation, don’t take things for granted
    • Give compliments, and do nice things for each other
    • Encourage each other to be the best versions of yourselves
    • Be able to see things from your partners point of view, while also being able to take responsibility for things
    • You should have things that you both do separately, and things you do together
    • Have a monthly/annual meeting to discuss how the relationship is going
  • How can you better reduce and diffuse arguments in a relationship?
    • “Behind every criticism is often a wish”
    • “Arguing in a relationship often has little to do with the content of the argument itself”
    • Don’t use words like  “always” and “never” – this just opens up the argument to places it doesn’t need to go
    • To reduce arguments
      • Don’t sweat the small things
      • Shift your thinking around, think about what you can do to make things better instead of only focusing on what your partner is doing wrong
    • To diffuse arguments – use humor
  • To get over a breakup or divorce
    • Let yourself fully feel the hate, the hurt, and the sadness – heartbreak is a part of our humanity
      • The hurt, anger, disbelief, lost of the predictable future – respect that all these feelings will hit all at once, and it’s normal
    • Reach out to friends you can talk to
    • “The most powerful antidepressant is doing for other people”
    • Journal on your thoughts and feelings
    • The main thing – don’t isolate yourself, when you start to talk, people appreciate the fact that they may be able to help
  • How do you know when a relationship is near its end?
    • The main element that’s the kiss of death is contempt, once you experience this it’s done
    • Constant criticism is another sign or you can’t bring anything up without an argument
  • And lastly, check out Esther’s books:

What would a Podcast Notes summary be without some life wisdom from Naval Ravikant (@naval) from this Periscope session:

  • Marriage is not dead – it’s the institution you enter into to have children. If you’re not going to have children, you should really think twice about marriage.
    • Get married based on compatibility of values
  • How to have a good relationship:
    • If you can’t keep doing it 50 years from now – don’t do it today to impress someone
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